It requires a great effort to get over a failed relationship and to learn to recover instead of letting those complicated feelings subsist. To learn to change your mentality, break the links with your ex and start enjoying life again, follow these steps and let the recovery begin.
Give yourself time
It is good to be sorry for the end of the relationship. While you were together for a few months or lived together for years and shared pets, you have the right to express your complicated emotions. Allow yourself to mourn, reflect on the experience and accept that it really ended.
Use this time to reflect. Write down your feelings in a journal and really get in touch with the reason why you feel that way.
Giving you time can help you forget the relationship faster. Many people may choose to set a “day to cease regretting”. Of course, this does not mean that you will forget the relationship at that moment, but it does mean that you will begin to consciously strive to move forward.
Free your emotions
If you want to cry in bed all day, do it. If you want to cry or vent all your frustrations with a friend, do it too. Just remember to do it alone for as long as you need it, do not rush into having a new relationship in a week just because your ex is or make him jealous.
Remember the reason why the relationship ended
It is natural for you to yearn for your ex and wish that he is still by your side; after all, you got used to having it close, even if it was not comforting all the time. However, you have to stay strong and remember why the relationship ended.
While it can be painful, try to think of a time where you were very unhappy in the relationship. Write it on a tab or save it on your phone and take it with you. Look at it when you regret your decision or wonder why they are not together anymore.
Learn to recognize negative thought patterns
Resentment, guilt, and regret can lead to a debilitating emotional cocktail when you try to forget the relationship. However, you can teach yourself to recognize patterns of resentful thoughts by writing them down and then examine them to find the emotional triggers. If you can identify the things that produce an emotional swamp, you can learn to relax.
Reread your journal as if it belonged to someone else. What is it like to unleash this person? What advice would you give? What should you avoid?
Circle the phrases or words that appear repeatedly. When you find yourself thinking about that word or phrase (perhaps the name of your ex or perhaps a particular concept or place), interrupt immediately. Have a mantra or song to recite or listen to as a way to interrupt and reward yourself for avoiding negative thinking.
Avoid self-destructive behaviors
Starting to smoke just because you feel upset about a relationship will not do anything to help you feel better about yourself. Allowing yourself to fall into the self-deprecation that takes the form of consuming alcohol or drugs will only prolong the penalty process because you will have to start from scratch.
If you are looking for a distraction, why not make it a healthy alternative? Instead of smoking, try to ride a bike, to art projects or to take up an old instrument with which you have lost some ability.
Stop communicating with your ex
Stop sending text messages or calling him. Do not try to have a ripe and uncomfortable lunch with your ex a week after finishing the relationship. While you can be your ex’s friend one day, it needs to be after they learn to be apart. The potential damage at this point is huge and communicating with your ex will make it much more difficult to forget the relationship.
If you have to stop joining your friends in common for a while, do it. If you really want to see them, join them in making special plans. You do not behave like a coward when doing it, but you only protect yourself. Also, find new social places to go out; There are many bars, restaurants, and parks to visit that have no emotional burden.
If you run into your ex, you do not have to run in the other direction. Be mature and say hello, but you do not need to stop to have a painful conversation either.
Stay away from social networks for a while
While you may be tempted to enter your Facebook to see if there is a picture of your ex with a new beauty, this will only prolong your pain and can make you feel a bit of obsession. Even if you are determined not to communicate with your ex on social networks, you cannot stop wondering if your ex saw your last photos or your last publication. [two]
Do not enter social networks until the thought of seeing your ex’s photo does not make you feel a wide spectrum of emotions.
Another alternative is to try to block or “stop being a friend” of your ex. This can be a very tangible way to point out that the relationship is over.
Minimize contact with the things that remind you of your ex
Perform a general cleanup of the relationship. If you cannot bear to totally get rid of things, put them in a garbage bag in the back of your closet. Even if the stuffed animal that your ex won for you during the first date at a carnival is your favorite item, throw it in a bag with everything else.
If you have some things that belong to your ex, such as sweatshirts, books, electronic devices, return them immediately. You can have a friend leave them for you to minimize the pain.
Once you have overcome the stage of mourning, you will have the ability to fall in love again as you had done before, even more, and better, avoiding the mistakes of the past. You will have your illusions intact, each of your senses sharpened and you will have been left with only the best that your previous relationship taught you. The break is a hard process like few others, but remember that the darker the night, the closer the sunrise will be.